8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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