How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
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you told grandpa to call you daddy
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
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So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
How drunk are you?
Completed.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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