sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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