Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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