she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
