I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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