Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize