hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
