Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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