Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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