When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
