the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
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I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
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Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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