the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
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He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
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In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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