my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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