i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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