Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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