it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
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I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
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Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?