brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit