$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.