i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.