Sponge bath it is.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!