That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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