yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
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Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
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Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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