I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex on a roof
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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