we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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