I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
