I think i peed on brittanys purse
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
