Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize