My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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