so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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