whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
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He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
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It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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