We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
