my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.