her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people