I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
