So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
