Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
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im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
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Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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