You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
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I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
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Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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