smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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