You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
