The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize