Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
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If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
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Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
All the doctor said was why