Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.