ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
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This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
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Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock