So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
