i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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