that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize