No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
