Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
