apparently the secret to your success is patron
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
