I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
