On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
