I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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