we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize