dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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