make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
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she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
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I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."