I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just invented taco cereal.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.