She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land