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So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
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