You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after