Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
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I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
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I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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